The long-awaited inquiry into the UK government’s persecution of trans people in the 2020s finally opens today, almost two decades after decisions were taken against medical advice that cost the lives of hundreds of trans people.

Lawyers acting for the UK’s current Green government are expected to lay out the true, devastating impact of policies that were enacted by the Conservative government and built upon and expanded by Keir Starmer’s Labour government: the removal of healthcare, a policy of forcing the outing of trans people, exclusion from public life, forced conversion therapy, imprisonment for deception, genital inspections, and the attempt to cover up death data are just some of the areas expected to be covered in painful depth.

Wesley Streeting, the long-ago deposed former Health Secretary, is on the list of witnesses expected to be called but is unlikely to make an appearance. He has still not been located after he disappeared with Peter Mandelson when he escaped prison disguised as a hotdog in 2032.

Maya Forstater, of the now-bankrupt and defunct former charity Sex Matters, is expected to be called to the stand after lunch if she is well enough. Forstater, 66, suffers from debilitating osteoporosis after her campaigning resulted in the banning of all HRT. Other success of her campaigns to protect women and girls included destroying the Women’s Institute and Girl Guides, ensuring genital inspections in schools for girls and getting all non-binary cartoons banned from schools and libraries. She has since fallen back on her degree in Agriculture and advises farmers on how to properly dress their cows, whether they want her to or not.

If Sex Matters sounds familiar for other reasons, you are likely remembering the very public sacking of the entire Charity Commission board after it was proven they had been incentivised to award charity status to a host of what have now been branded hate groups, including Sex Matters, the LGB Alliance and the lesser known, but still well-funded Kill All Tr**nies.

The former Baroness Hilary Cass, stripped of her titles and shunned by the medical establishment due to the harm her discredited report did to children, will be deposed from Willowy Pines, her state-funded nursing home. It is understood that The Pines is one of 35 care homes set to be included in a controversial trial to see what happens when you remove the medication of people over the age of 70. Cass will testify before that trial begins.

The families of some of the hundreds of trans people, including children, who died due to these policies, are also expected to attend. The friends and family of witnesses, meanwhile, have been offered the use of a bucket in the basement if they have any problems using the unisex facilities provided for everyone else.

The inquiry is expected to take months to complete; such is the number of witnesses to be called.

These witnesses will include members of the media, judiciary, civil service, NHS and political parties, all of whom are accused of being complicit in their attempts to remove trans people from public life in the UK. The inquiry will also set a UK record for the number of people named ‘Helen’ called to give evidence under oath.

With Labour and the Conservative Party now no more than fringe entities it is unlikely they will feel any negative effect of the inquiry at the polls, but given it comes with subpoena powers while the police watch on with interest, criminal charges could follow.

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